Perils of the Expecting Father

To try and avoid getting jaundice, babies need Vitamin D from sunshine. So the midwife says to take naked little newborns out into the sunshine and bake them for 7 minutes on the front and back. So I did it.

The big day!!!

Oct 27 was the lunar eclipse and everyone predicted it would send the Pregnant One into Labor-
At about 11:30pm that night we were watching a movie (Mean Girls- it sucked... why did I even rent this????) when The Pregnant One announced she was having a contraction. So we both went to bed. I slept until about 2 am and realized she was already up. So she was ready to call the midwife already at 2, but the midwife said to try to get some sleep, she could tell it was early.

Oct 28-
So I slept off and on until six, but the Pregnant One didn't. At six we called again.

At seven the hippy girl assistants showed up. Then the midwife.
Then I called my brother to take the child. He came over and they watched Peter Pan and hung out until 8am and then went away for the rest of the day.

We unloaded all the equipment and waited around. Between contractions we took a walk around the neighborhood. Eventually the midwife went home because it was still too early, but the assistants hung out and waited drinking tea and smoothies from Wheatsville Co-op.

At 10am things were starting to really get going good so we called the midwife back and we measured the cervix. 5 centimeters. A little gloved finger massage and wha-la- 6cm. So things were really getting good now.

So we waited and waited, I cracked hilarious little jokes, like telling the pregnant one to keep it down (while she was moaning and all during a contraction), and during one long painful contraction suggesting a tick-tack. Good fun.

Finally at 11:30am it was time to go to the bedroom. Another gloved finger check-up and we knew we were there. The Boy was born at 12:00 noon sharp.
I caught the wet slimy little guy as he came out and I cut the cord too.

He was born with a full head of hair at 8lbs 6ozs and strong lungs. Oh and a un-quenchable appetite that started about two seconds after birth ("he could be a little lactation consultant himself he is such a natural...") and has carried on strong ever since. He worked his ass off from the get-go and Mom's milk came within only about 24 hours. For those 24 hours he took in constant collostram and lost about a pound but by now he has gained it back and plenty more.

And thats what he has been doing ever since.

Oh, and we named him Finn Frederick.

Some Pictures....

Today is the Due Date, but so far.....nothing. No real signs of impending labor except for continued bitchyness to me, and constant house cleaning.

Last time she was able to tell it was coming for hours and hours. Maybe even a whole day. She had cramps and soreness and the beginings of contractions. I remember we went out to eat and the whole time she kept saying, "I feel something.....". Then we came home and went to bed so we could be rested before it started full blown. Sometime in the middle of the night it started full fledge, and by six am we went to the hospital and by noon, or actually and 12:07, the child was born. No problem.

More soon.

So it's Sunday night and so far still no birth.

The Pregnant One wanted it to happen today so last night we went out for chinese food. Chinese food is supposed to bring it on, but that is an old wive's tale and doesn't work. Other supposed natural labor inducing techniques: walking, sex, and eating eggs with castor oil in them.

I kind of thought it was working though because at five in the morning she got up and scrubbed the kitchen with clorox for several hours. She made me coffee and brought it to me with a cheerful smile and was in a wonderfull mood. Everything was fine and then all of a sudden she turned into a total beeeee-otch.

So The Pregnant One went to the midwife today and got this report: she is 25% effaced, and 1 centimeter dialated. And the baby has dropped to a negative 1 position.

So what the hell does all that mean?
I referred to my notes and found all sorts of stuff about it. Here are some of my actual notes:

NOTES 1

NOTES 2

NOTES 3, and The Faces of Labor

So the Signs of Impending Labor are:

• Increasing Signs of Hormones/Increased Emotional Swings.......Yes, We Are Having Those.
• Engagement, Effacement.......................Yes, 25%.
• Dialation..................................................Yes, We're at 1 centimeter.
• Increased or Decreased Activity in Mother and Baby.......................Maybe, we can't really tell. The boy is moving around like crazy.
• Cramping, Nasea, Vomiting....................................................No.

So there you go. IT'S STARTING.....

There are also many optional things to have in the Birth Kit and Several Things You Might Want To Have ON Hand.

• Camera, Film, Video Recorder and Camera Man/Crew. The husband is not supposed to be screwing around with a camera the whole time so you need a camera man. But back in class we learned you aren't supposed to have anyone at the birth you wouldn't have sex in front of.....
• Heating Pad
• Tape Recorder (????)
• Candles
• Diaper Service (???)
• Tank for Water Birth- This is an inflatable tub/pool thing you can rent so the pregnant woman can actually birth underwater, presumably in the squatting position.
• PH Balanced Shampoo (????)
• Extra Pillows
• Massage Oil
• Lip Balm (????)
• Joan Baez Albums (kidding.....sort of)

And Food. The birth can take hours so you need lots of food. They recommend:

Stock up in advance on good quality, high protein items so that family, midwives, and visitors aren't subject to 24 hours of fast food- remember that everyone is going to need their strength. The birthing mother need nourishing, easy to digest food that will not be thrown up during hard labor. Miso, applesauce, yogurt, and mashed potatos are recommended. Avoid heavy or fatty foods.

Another successful baby shower. Successful in that a) I didn't have to be there, and b) we got many great useful things for this new child. In fact he is the owner of quite a bit of stuff. He got shoes, shirts, onesies, hats, sweaters, butt-powder, creams, lotions, blankets, ointments, and more.